So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
