i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize