he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
