I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
