Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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