Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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