the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
