I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
