Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
