At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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