Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
