my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
