I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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