i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
