my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
