I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
