Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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