i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
