So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
