marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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