I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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