So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
