I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
