Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
