i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He felt like a one man threesome
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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