She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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