So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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