im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
