i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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