Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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