if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize