if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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