How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
