Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
