I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
