I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
