I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
