At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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