I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
