Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
