You're so nebulous sometimes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
