You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
