If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
