Is it because I queefed?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
