Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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