OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
