Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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