Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
