just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
