Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
