Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
