I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
