how do flat chested girls get laid?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
