Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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