I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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