she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was born a porn star she said
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
