she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
