this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
