nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
