it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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