I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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