I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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