So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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