Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
