I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
