you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
