Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
