Cold hands, warm shart.
I heard we made out
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
