the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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