I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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