He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
