please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize